Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
