OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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