You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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