4 words: hood of his car
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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