dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
