i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
