I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
