Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
