operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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