she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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