Please, let me fuck your mom
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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