i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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