My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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