My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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