Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Text me some of your sweat
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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