I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
