She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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