sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I could make wine with my vomit
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
