We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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