When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
