He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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