Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
