oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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