Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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