did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
