I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
