Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
