a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
