i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
