Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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