summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i think i just lost a toe
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
