Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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