New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
