My room smells like vodka and shame
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
