The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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