Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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