Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
