We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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