I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
