I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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