used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
