I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
