Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Houston, we have a blender
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
