You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
