thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
where am i from again
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
