Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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