he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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