Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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