I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
