Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
