i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
