Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
