new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
