This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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