Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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