chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
