I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
