I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
